I miss you, grandpa <3

I can hardly believe that it's been a year since my grandpa left us...

It all happened so quickly. I spent most of my childhood not truly knowing him, but just seeing him every few years. We weren't close... partly because of physical distance and partly due to other circumstances.

While he was my grandpa and I loved him, I didn't feel like I had a relationship with him...

That all changed pretty quickly when he got sick. He's always had some heart problems, but in 2008 he went downhill very quickly.

I remember going on Halloween to visit him in the hospital. We took him bright orange flowers, and he loved them. That was the start of the relationship we had. Sure, he loved me before that and asked about me when he would talk to my mom. But we didn't really connect until that day.

The next few months were such a blur to me. I was in the middle of a crazy semester at school and trying to be there for my mom in spite of the craziness.

His health declined so quickly. He was living at home, taking care of my grandma... and doing fine. When he was put in the hospital, she had to be put in a nursing home.

I don't remember which visit it was, but we found out that he had lung cancer. Hearing that news was hard, and knowing they couldn't operate to help (because of his heart) was even harder. It was then that we knew it was only a matter of time.

I didn't think it was going to be such little time, though.

He went from the hospital to a nursing home... to the hospital to a new nursing home.. it was draining for me, and even more so for my mom, I'm sure...

We spent a few weekends down in Nebraska with him. Pretty soon December rolled around. I had a crazy weekend, with lots of homework to catch up on and an InterVarsity Christmas party. I was looking forward to getting caught up and enjoying a day of fun with my friends.

My mom had talked to my grandpa... and he asked when we were coming. He wanted us to be there all the time, but that wasn't feasible.

She said that we couldn't go that weekend, but the next weekend we'd be there. He told her that it'll be too late then... that he'll be gone. We just kind of figured that he was exaggerating and trying to make us give in and go down there... we told him we'd see him in a little over a week.

Oh, but if I had known what he apparently knew... I would have dropped my homework and forgotten the party and been on my way. That Sunday morning around 5, he died peacefully in his sleep. I'm thankful that he wasn't in a lot of pain (beyond the pain he dealt with every day from the cancer and other problems).

As sad and hard as it was to have him leave us, I'm thankful that he was no longer going to suffer and spend his life in the hospital.

My mom has several siblings, but none of them were willing to help out with funeral plans. As a granddaughter, that really isn't my job--to plan his funeral. But of course, I wanted (and needed) to be there for my mom since she didn't have anyone else. We headed down to Nebraska for a week to plan and attend the funeral. It was a difficult week... it's hard to say goodbye to someone you love. It's even harder when you feel like after 22 years, you finally connected with that person in the last 2 months.

I have memories of my grandpa when I was a little girl. When we'd visit, he'd always pretend to steal my baby dolls... he loved to tease. While I am thankful for those memories, we weren't close then. It's hard to explain how our relationship changed those last few months. It just did. He went from being a distant grandpa... to someone I truly loved and cherished and looked forward to spending time with.

When he was in the hospital one time, he asked us to get a new battery for an ancient watch he had. We went to Walmart, and got the battery changed. The watch came from my grandma, so he cherished it. We also decided to buy him a new watch... though we figured he'd never wear it. Sure enough, he loved the new watch. He wore it every day until he died.

There wasn't much that he had to pass on to all of us after he died... and it was a bit complex because my grandma passed away in April--and she was my mom's stepmom. The family structure made things a bit awkward. For that reason, there wasn't much that we were able to keep of his. However, I got that watch we bought him. While it was just a pretty new watch from Walmart (and not a treasured antique), it's special to me. My brother and I also got some beer stein things that he had. I guess they're special because they are from a company who was bought by another company so they are no longer made. My mom said they could be worth money someday... but I don't plan to ever sell it. It's one of the few things I have from my grandpa, and I will cherish it always.

The last year has been pretty crazy in my life. We'd had 4 deaths in the family... school has kept me busy... surgery...

It's gone so fast that it's hard to believe that it's already been a year... yet at the same time, it feels like a lifetime.

It's hard to go on without the ones you love...

Grandpa, I love you so much and I miss you like crazy... I am glad you are no longer in pain, but wish we could've had you stick around for a little while longer... I'm wearing my Husker shirt for you... I know that would make you smile... =) Love you.

RIP Grandpa Max Jerome Thramer... you are missed <3