Frustrating day...

I really want to update on a bunch of things, but I am exhausted, so I'm going to try to make this quick.

Health: The pain in my feet has gotten significantly worse since my last update. My feet have started going numb at times. My hands are now affected at times, and it is painful to make a fist or grip a pencil. Now the most recent thing is that I have this circle around my mouth that is numb all the time. The combination of all these things plus back pain is making life extremely tough right now.

I have been to a podiatrist and a neurologist. I'm being referred to Mayo. I do think that they will be able to find an answer, but it could take months to get in there. This is negatively affecting my ability to teach, and I've considered quitting since I am in so much extreme pain. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I've tried to just hang in there and do my best, and it was very frustrating to hear that my teacher felt like I wasn't doing very well anymore.

The neurologist was able to give me some Lidocaine patches. I tested one out today and it seemed to ease the pain a little bit, so I am thankful for that. Hopefully the patches will help get me through the next 30 days.

School: Student teaching is so hard, especially being on my feet for so long each day. It's hours that I am expected to stand/walk around... on already aching feet.

Today was a bit of a frustrating day. I was observed by my supervisor. She got up and left in the middle of my lesson. I found out later that she was talking with my cooperating teacher.

My teacher said that things had gone downhill since the midterm evaluation. (Well yeah, because I am in excruciating pain!!!) She was asking how she fills out a recommendation form for me since my plan is to go to grad school. She asked my supervisor if she could write the recommendation for me to go on to grad school. She doesn't really want to write a recommendation for me to teach, since I have physical limitations.

I fully understand that I do have limitations, and my teacher has to be honest. BUT... I didn't go through 6 years of school and struggle through student teaching just to be recommended to continue my schooling. The goal is to have a letter in my file stating that I would be a good teacher.

It's frustrating to me that I am not going to get anyone to agree that I should be a teacher. If I am not accepted into the program (I found out today that I was accepted to graduate school, but still have an interview and things before I can be accepted into the program)... but if I do NOT get in, I will NEVER find a job if the recommendation says that I am unable to teach.

FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I wish I had a normal life without health problems. I'm really upset about all of this.

My birthday is Sunday, but I have no plans. I can't handle much anyway these days with all this pain. I have a LOT to do this weekend, so I do hope to have a productive Saturday so that I can relax on my birthday. That will be my present to myself.

Today should have been a good day--being accepted into grad school. Instead it turned into a lousy day. I am never good enough for the right people. Without a positive recommendation, I won't be able to get a job... so if I don't get into this program, I will have to resort to working at McDonalds or something. This is not how I imagined my life.

=( and =)

17 days (and 5 hours) until my birthday and 44 days (and 15 hours) until graduation!

School has been a journey the last few days. I'm still having major issues with students not respecting/listening to me. I understand that it's a transition when a student teacher takes over--but I feel like I've been there long enough and been teaching long enough that some of this should be over. It's ridiculous how talkative and disrespectful some of the students are. I've given plenty of lectures and plenty of marks and taken away privileges--and it still goes on every single day. Other students are not able to focus and learn because of the handful of students (usually it's 4-5, sometimes it's twice that many--half the class) who can't sit down and be quiet! It's frustrating.

My feet are still hurting a lot. They were actually not hurting too badly over the weekend because I was able to rest a lot. Monday morning, though, they started to hurt badly again. By after school today I was almost in tears from pain.

The weather is getting so nice and warm--that makes me happy, even on a bad day! Right now it is 48, feels like 43. I am finished early (it's 6:24) with my planning for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will teach: spelling, math, social studies, reading, handwriting, and english. We don't have science on Thursdays.

If I didn't have Bible study tonight, I'd go for a bike ride. I need to eat before I go, though, and won't have enough energy after it's over. It will be nice, though, to go to the study and not have to worry about running out the second it's over to finish planning. I don't, however, plan to stick around and chat--I want to get home and get to bed early.

I need to figure out what to eat and get to eating so I am not late for Bible study... I will update again soon, I'm sure! I will have lots to write about in the next several weeks. Hopefully lots of good news and things. :)

Bike ride!

Today was a good and bad day all wrapped into one.

I started out the morning with my appointment with the physical therapist. Unfortunately, he really wasn't able to do much. He gave me some exercises and told me to come back in a week.

I was frustrated by the appointment... I had plans to meet up with a friend, but I called her and she didn't answer. She never called back, and we didn't get to hang out.

Instead I went home and laid down and rested a bit. I can tell that I spent most of the day off my feet, because my feet are feeling pretty good right now. Don't get me wrong, there is still pain... a lot of pain... but it's not quite as bad as it was yesterday or the day before.

Today I was able to do something that I haven't done in YEARS. I got out my bike and went for a ride! My brother bought me a bike several years ago, and I was not able to use it. Today for the first time in years, I got the bike out and rode. I rode 1.5 miles, which is not bad for a first ride! It's hard to ride when my feet hurt, but it was easier to ride than to walk.

Tomorrow morning I am heading to Madison early. I had a meeting at 11, but due to a family problem, it was moved to 8 am. I'm hoping the pain stays at a minimum tomorrow so that I can get through the day.

The rest of the weekend will be spent planning. Starting Monday, I will be teaching all day long--every subject. That means I have a LOT more planning to do. Saturday and Sunday I will be doing lots and lots of planning. I also hope to tidy up my room this weekend. If I have extra energy, I'd love to work on cleaning out the closet full of clothes that I have. We'll see if I get to that or not.

My feet are starting to hurt more... the pain always tends to get worse at night. The shooting and burning pain increases. I do have heat on my feet, and that helps a bit.

I plan on spending the night on the computer and probably finding a bit of time to read some of my book. I think I'm about halfway done with it. I'm going to go do something else for a bit. I'm hoping to get to bed very early, since I have to get up at 6:15. (Yuck!)

Sick from pain...

I so wish I could snap my fingers and make it be Thursday morning. I have an appointment with a physical therapist about my feet. Honestly, I have NO idea how he is going to help at all... but my doctor suggested it. My options were to go to physical therapy or go to a chiropractor's office. There is one physical therapist that I really like, Chuck... and I'd gladly see him. I'm not so sure about the chiropractor. So I'm hoping that there is something that Chuck can do.

Today, I was in the middle of teaching my math lesson when I had to practically run out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom because I knew I was going to throw up. It's not like I have the flu... it's just that my body is in so much extreme pain, that I got sick. I went back and finished math class and then was able to sit down a bit during lunch.

My teacher told me that I could leave at 2:15 when I was done teacher for the day. The FCCLA group at the high school had something going on for the students this afternoon, so after reading was over, I was done for the day. Today and tomorrow are conferences (until 8 pm). I was supposed to stay for them, but then ended up leaving school. I'm praying for a better day tomorrow because I have to make it through the whole day and conferences tomorrow.

Even though I'm home, I have a lot of preparing to do for tomorrow. I'm so exhausted and would love to take a nap... but I also want to go to bed early tonight. I'm resting right now with heat on my feet. In a little bit I will get up and work on planning.

I have such extreme pain that I don't even have the right words to describe it.

I'm going to just rest a little bit before I start working. One and a half more days to get through.. and two days until I can see a doctor.

Breather

Tonight is one of the first nights I've had where I don't have a ton to do! I had a very short to-do list tonight. I stayed at school until 5:15 doing lots of planning. I came home and graded spelling sheets, and entered them into the gradebook. Then I created a word search to give to the students tomorrow... all I have left to do is make a list of my G rated movies.

I finished the book I was reading. Now I'm reading a Karen Kingsbury book. I am hoping to read a few chapters and then go to bed very early! Tomorrow is Friday, which is one of the most hectic days of the week!

It's been a very rough week physically. I was having a lot of issues for several days where I would feel sick every time I ate. That's so frustrating, but I think it has finally let up. I'm feeling better these days!

I wish I could say the same for my back and feet. The pain in my feet has been so awful this week--I just about break into tears several times throughout the school day when I am standing. It's so hard on my body.

I graduate in 58 days. Today my mom booked a place to have a party. I wasn't sure I was going to have a party--but I am now! I need to get invitations done soon and get those out to people. I am excited! It's been a long 6 years!

I can't wait until it is warmer outside so I can get out and walk and ride my bike. I am getting a bit stir crazy being inside all day. I don't have a lot of energy to go out and walk right now anyway with the pain I have, but I can't wait for the day that I can spend an hour or so in the evening walking. It can't come fast enough!

I am going to go make a list of those movies and then work on getting my medicine down so I can get to bed early. The pain takes SO much out of me every day... I am ready for bed by 7 most nights! Thankful that I can actually get there somewhat early tonight! Tomorrow is jeans day at school--love Fridays!

Lincoln

This weekend, my mom and I made a trip down to Lincoln to visit my brother. I was so excited... but I have felt horrible the whole trip. I'm bummed that it ended up that way. I really hope we can do it again, maybe this summer... when I am feeling better.

The last several days (since Wed or Thurs), every time I eat, my stomach gets very upset and I have pains in my stomach. If that doesn't go away, I'll have to try to find time to go see the doctor. It's not normal and not fun. I've spent half the weekend feeling sick.

My feet have been horrible this weekend as well. The Vitamin D still hasn't kicked in at all... in fact, the pain is getting much worse in my feet over time. Additionally, my skin is starting to get sensitive. When my mom rubs my feet, the first few seconds hurt so badly because my skin feels like someone has taken a grater to it and cut it up badly. That's how sensitive it is--that just started recently, and I'm not sure why it's happening.

I really need to get a few social studies lessons planned this weekend--I've glanced at things, but haven't gotten any of the actual plans done. I suppose I'll do that tonight when we get home. I wish we could just snap our fingers and be home! I'm not looking forward to the long drive.

Regardless, it was really nice to see my brother... don't get to see him enough! We got to meet some of his friends last night... I wasn't very talkative because I wasn't feeling well, but they were very nice.

It was 24 degrees at home and 50 some degrees here--love it! I can't wait for it to be 50 degrees up in SD. We have to wear winter coats at school until it's 55 degrees--yuck! I start wearing jackets/sweatshirts at 35-45 degrees. I hope it gets to 55 soon.

I think we are going to head out and get on the road in a few minutes, so I'm going to end this for now... hopefully the ride home will be nice to me.

Can't physically handle this!

Today I realized just how great of a toll student teaching is taking on my body.

I knew I was more tired than usual because I am busy all day and into the night.

But today I realized that my body is absolutely screaming at me, telling me to quit because it can't handle this schedule anymore!

Imagine for a moment that I had no other problems aside from my back problems. Even then, student teaching would be more than I could handle.

My back does not do well being on the go from 6:30 am until 9 or 10 pm. Some of that time I am at home, eating supper and relaxing... but a lot of my nights are spent planning. I plan better (easier) if I am sitting up, so I sit up for hours after sitting all day. The last few days my back pain has been just awful... and I don't have anything to take the pain away.

I am standing while I teach at school every day--it starts with recess duty at 10:10 and continues pretty much until 2:10. I do sit down and eat lunch, but then have to run to the bathroom, make last minute copies, or move things around the room for my next lesson. My back is killing me and just begging me to stop.

Then there's my legs/feet... they have gotten NO better, and in fact have been much worse the last few days... all the standing sure isn't helping.

Add in allergy problems and UGH. Physically, I am not handling this semester well at all. I am enjoying teaching, but it's taking every last bit of strength I have just to get through each day. It's hard and frustrating and some days (like today), I just want to curl up in a ball on my bed and sleep the day away.