Frustrating day...

I really want to update on a bunch of things, but I am exhausted, so I'm going to try to make this quick.

Health: The pain in my feet has gotten significantly worse since my last update. My feet have started going numb at times. My hands are now affected at times, and it is painful to make a fist or grip a pencil. Now the most recent thing is that I have this circle around my mouth that is numb all the time. The combination of all these things plus back pain is making life extremely tough right now.

I have been to a podiatrist and a neurologist. I'm being referred to Mayo. I do think that they will be able to find an answer, but it could take months to get in there. This is negatively affecting my ability to teach, and I've considered quitting since I am in so much extreme pain. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I've tried to just hang in there and do my best, and it was very frustrating to hear that my teacher felt like I wasn't doing very well anymore.

The neurologist was able to give me some Lidocaine patches. I tested one out today and it seemed to ease the pain a little bit, so I am thankful for that. Hopefully the patches will help get me through the next 30 days.

School: Student teaching is so hard, especially being on my feet for so long each day. It's hours that I am expected to stand/walk around... on already aching feet.

Today was a bit of a frustrating day. I was observed by my supervisor. She got up and left in the middle of my lesson. I found out later that she was talking with my cooperating teacher.

My teacher said that things had gone downhill since the midterm evaluation. (Well yeah, because I am in excruciating pain!!!) She was asking how she fills out a recommendation form for me since my plan is to go to grad school. She asked my supervisor if she could write the recommendation for me to go on to grad school. She doesn't really want to write a recommendation for me to teach, since I have physical limitations.

I fully understand that I do have limitations, and my teacher has to be honest. BUT... I didn't go through 6 years of school and struggle through student teaching just to be recommended to continue my schooling. The goal is to have a letter in my file stating that I would be a good teacher.

It's frustrating to me that I am not going to get anyone to agree that I should be a teacher. If I am not accepted into the program (I found out today that I was accepted to graduate school, but still have an interview and things before I can be accepted into the program)... but if I do NOT get in, I will NEVER find a job if the recommendation says that I am unable to teach.

FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I wish I had a normal life without health problems. I'm really upset about all of this.

My birthday is Sunday, but I have no plans. I can't handle much anyway these days with all this pain. I have a LOT to do this weekend, so I do hope to have a productive Saturday so that I can relax on my birthday. That will be my present to myself.

Today should have been a good day--being accepted into grad school. Instead it turned into a lousy day. I am never good enough for the right people. Without a positive recommendation, I won't be able to get a job... so if I don't get into this program, I will have to resort to working at McDonalds or something. This is not how I imagined my life.