Sick from pain...

I so wish I could snap my fingers and make it be Thursday morning. I have an appointment with a physical therapist about my feet. Honestly, I have NO idea how he is going to help at all... but my doctor suggested it. My options were to go to physical therapy or go to a chiropractor's office. There is one physical therapist that I really like, Chuck... and I'd gladly see him. I'm not so sure about the chiropractor. So I'm hoping that there is something that Chuck can do.

Today, I was in the middle of teaching my math lesson when I had to practically run out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom because I knew I was going to throw up. It's not like I have the flu... it's just that my body is in so much extreme pain, that I got sick. I went back and finished math class and then was able to sit down a bit during lunch.

My teacher told me that I could leave at 2:15 when I was done teacher for the day. The FCCLA group at the high school had something going on for the students this afternoon, so after reading was over, I was done for the day. Today and tomorrow are conferences (until 8 pm). I was supposed to stay for them, but then ended up leaving school. I'm praying for a better day tomorrow because I have to make it through the whole day and conferences tomorrow.

Even though I'm home, I have a lot of preparing to do for tomorrow. I'm so exhausted and would love to take a nap... but I also want to go to bed early tonight. I'm resting right now with heat on my feet. In a little bit I will get up and work on planning.

I have such extreme pain that I don't even have the right words to describe it.

I'm going to just rest a little bit before I start working. One and a half more days to get through.. and two days until I can see a doctor.

Breather

Tonight is one of the first nights I've had where I don't have a ton to do! I had a very short to-do list tonight. I stayed at school until 5:15 doing lots of planning. I came home and graded spelling sheets, and entered them into the gradebook. Then I created a word search to give to the students tomorrow... all I have left to do is make a list of my G rated movies.

I finished the book I was reading. Now I'm reading a Karen Kingsbury book. I am hoping to read a few chapters and then go to bed very early! Tomorrow is Friday, which is one of the most hectic days of the week!

It's been a very rough week physically. I was having a lot of issues for several days where I would feel sick every time I ate. That's so frustrating, but I think it has finally let up. I'm feeling better these days!

I wish I could say the same for my back and feet. The pain in my feet has been so awful this week--I just about break into tears several times throughout the school day when I am standing. It's so hard on my body.

I graduate in 58 days. Today my mom booked a place to have a party. I wasn't sure I was going to have a party--but I am now! I need to get invitations done soon and get those out to people. I am excited! It's been a long 6 years!

I can't wait until it is warmer outside so I can get out and walk and ride my bike. I am getting a bit stir crazy being inside all day. I don't have a lot of energy to go out and walk right now anyway with the pain I have, but I can't wait for the day that I can spend an hour or so in the evening walking. It can't come fast enough!

I am going to go make a list of those movies and then work on getting my medicine down so I can get to bed early. The pain takes SO much out of me every day... I am ready for bed by 7 most nights! Thankful that I can actually get there somewhat early tonight! Tomorrow is jeans day at school--love Fridays!

Lincoln

This weekend, my mom and I made a trip down to Lincoln to visit my brother. I was so excited... but I have felt horrible the whole trip. I'm bummed that it ended up that way. I really hope we can do it again, maybe this summer... when I am feeling better.

The last several days (since Wed or Thurs), every time I eat, my stomach gets very upset and I have pains in my stomach. If that doesn't go away, I'll have to try to find time to go see the doctor. It's not normal and not fun. I've spent half the weekend feeling sick.

My feet have been horrible this weekend as well. The Vitamin D still hasn't kicked in at all... in fact, the pain is getting much worse in my feet over time. Additionally, my skin is starting to get sensitive. When my mom rubs my feet, the first few seconds hurt so badly because my skin feels like someone has taken a grater to it and cut it up badly. That's how sensitive it is--that just started recently, and I'm not sure why it's happening.

I really need to get a few social studies lessons planned this weekend--I've glanced at things, but haven't gotten any of the actual plans done. I suppose I'll do that tonight when we get home. I wish we could just snap our fingers and be home! I'm not looking forward to the long drive.

Regardless, it was really nice to see my brother... don't get to see him enough! We got to meet some of his friends last night... I wasn't very talkative because I wasn't feeling well, but they were very nice.

It was 24 degrees at home and 50 some degrees here--love it! I can't wait for it to be 50 degrees up in SD. We have to wear winter coats at school until it's 55 degrees--yuck! I start wearing jackets/sweatshirts at 35-45 degrees. I hope it gets to 55 soon.

I think we are going to head out and get on the road in a few minutes, so I'm going to end this for now... hopefully the ride home will be nice to me.

Can't physically handle this!

Today I realized just how great of a toll student teaching is taking on my body.

I knew I was more tired than usual because I am busy all day and into the night.

But today I realized that my body is absolutely screaming at me, telling me to quit because it can't handle this schedule anymore!

Imagine for a moment that I had no other problems aside from my back problems. Even then, student teaching would be more than I could handle.

My back does not do well being on the go from 6:30 am until 9 or 10 pm. Some of that time I am at home, eating supper and relaxing... but a lot of my nights are spent planning. I plan better (easier) if I am sitting up, so I sit up for hours after sitting all day. The last few days my back pain has been just awful... and I don't have anything to take the pain away.

I am standing while I teach at school every day--it starts with recess duty at 10:10 and continues pretty much until 2:10. I do sit down and eat lunch, but then have to run to the bathroom, make last minute copies, or move things around the room for my next lesson. My back is killing me and just begging me to stop.

Then there's my legs/feet... they have gotten NO better, and in fact have been much worse the last few days... all the standing sure isn't helping.

Add in allergy problems and UGH. Physically, I am not handling this semester well at all. I am enjoying teaching, but it's taking every last bit of strength I have just to get through each day. It's hard and frustrating and some days (like today), I just want to curl up in a ball on my bed and sleep the day away.

Bye bye February!

Yesterday was a day full of planning. I woke up before 8:30, and got right to work on planning. I was productive until around 3, and then I just lost it. I could no longer focus or get a single thing done. It's so frustrating when that happens! It took me from 3 until about 7:30 pm to find motivation and get going again. I was finally able to finish what I was working on around 9:15 or so. I was trying to get my lesson plans done for my social studies unit.

Most of the time, I can just plan a lesson using whatever method I choose. I usually just type out notes in Word to help me remember what we are doing each day. For example, each reading unit has an outline with what we are doing each day. However, any lesson that I am observed teaching must have a formal lesson plan. We have a specific format we are required to use, and they must be well written! A good lesson plan for a 30 minute lesson could be anywhere from 3-8 pages! In addition to the lessons from when I'm observed, every lesson for my Teaching Work Sample (TWS) must have a formal lesson plan. We are only required to have 10 lessons for our TWS, but I am going to have approximately 16. So that means 16 formal lesson plans!

I start teaching my map unit tomorrow, so that means that I need 5 lesson plans done for this week. Yesterday I got the first three done.

Today I need to plan at least the first few days of reading for this week, but I'd love to get all 5 days planned. We'll see how it goes. I only have a couple of hours left to do it.

I was able to read a little bit this weekend, so that made me happy. I finished the book I was reading--it was very good! I probably should have spent that time planning, but I needed a break and some time to do something I enjoy.

Next weekend, my mom is going down to Lincoln to see my brother. I'd like to go with, but it really depends on how much I can get done. If I don't get my planning done, there would be no point in making the long trip to just sit in his apartment and work all weekend. I'm going to work extra hard to try to get both this week and next week all planned, so I can go and enjoy the weekend away!

This morning in Sunday school I had 9 little ones! It was a bit chaotic, because I had a nasty headache (allergies, I think). They were playing quite loudly, and I just wanted to walk out and go home! Obviously that wasn't an option. Once it was time for our Bible story and snack, they settled down and were quiet. :) I do enjoy teaching this class--it's such a fun age.

I am still having a lot of pain in my legs and feet. My right leg hurts badly almost all the time--the right side of my leg and my knee. I get cramps or something similar in my left leg, but rarely have long-term pain there. My right leg though--ouch! The pain is so hard to handle, and totally ruins my concentration and focus. I can be doing really well planning or teaching a lesson... and then the pain flares up and I struggle.

Overall, though, things are going well. This week I will be teaching almost all morning. The students start the day with special (computer, guidance, gym, art, music...) and so they don't even start their time in the classroom until 9:30 or so. Recess is at 10:10, and then I will teach from 10:30-12. That only leaves one tiny spot for my cooperating teacher to teach in the morning. Then in the afternoon I teach from 1-2:10.

I love how sunny it has been lately, and today it was even pretty warm! It's 26 degrees right now (feels like 19). I think it was even warmer than that when church got out, though. I had to take my gloves off and it was not too cold without them! :) I can't wait for 40s and 50s! I'm so glad tomorrow is March. I really dislike February as a month and love it when March rolls around. I just hope it continues to get nicer instead of colder!

I need to go read the story for reading this week so I can do some planning. I don't know how busy I'll be this week and if I'll have a chance to update, but hopefully I'll be so busy planning so I can go to Nebraska!

Sick!

Surprisingly, I made it almost a month in the school system before getting sick. I started student teaching February 1st (I can't believe it's been almost a month!), and am dealing with my first sickness-a nasty cold. It's not the end of the world... just congestion, headache, sore throat, etc. It's certainly not fun, but I'll live. It definitely is taking my energy away, though. It's draining fast these days.

I've had no long term relief with my feet and legs, and the aching is so hard to tolerate. Thankfully, I get a little relief from the icy hot and the heating pad... but the relief comes in small doses. Very small, in fact! I can't wait for this pain to get better.

Teaching is going well, but really is wearing me out. Between the pain, sickness, and just busy schedule and such--I have been getting tired so early at night. I went to bed before 9 last night. I've been going to be early at night, but waking up several times throughout the night (generally at 11-12, 3 am, and 5 am). It's frustrating and I wish I would just sleep soundly all night--my body needs it.

I've now lost 127 lbs. Getting there--slow but steady. I can't wait for warmer days when I can go outside and go for walks. I also can't wait for the day that I can ride my bike again! It will be so so so nice. Right now I don't really get any exercise except while standing up teaching. Don't get me wrong--that's a lot of standing/walking around and is exhausting. I really look forward to evening walks in the nice weather, though.

It's only 7:20, but I'd LOVE to go to bed. I should plan something, but I may put it off until tomorrow. I do have to get my medicine down before bed, and that's always an ordeal. I have 5 pills to take tonight. Yuck! I don't handle pills well. And that's without taking Prilosec, which I need to start taking for acid reflux. I don't plan to start it today--I will struggle enough with 5 pills.

I wrote you this book...

Overall, this week went well. I had a really frustrating lesson where the kids were out of control and just would not listen... and my cooperating teacher was out of the building for awhile. It was not a fun situation--but good to get that first failure out of the way. My other lessons have been going well.. but it's inevitable that there will be bad days and lessons that you teach and then think "well, that was absolutely pointless". I'm trying to just keep telling myself that it was just one bad lesson and that next time will be better--and it was.

I was observed by my university supervisor on Thursday. She watched me teach my reading lesson on fables. She had nothing but positive feedback-both my supervisor and teacher thought the lesson was great. They made comments about how fast I adjusted and took to the role of a teacher. They usually have to tell students at this point to not be nervous and find their teacher voice. I remember those days when I did my level III field experience... my voice was so shaky because I was so nervous! I didn't experience that at all in this classroom--I was immediately comfortable. I'm not sure why, but that's awesome! I was grateful for the positive comments and evaluation, and am glad that they think I'm doing so well. It will be a few weeks before I am observed again.

I taught math and reading all week, and they went well. I will be taking over social studies next week, though we have agreed to wait until the middle of the week instead of starting on Monday. They are finishing up a unit, and so we are going to wait until they are done with that--then I will start with my unit on maps. My unit (this is what I'm doing my teaching work sample on) will be at least 16 lessons. For the teaching work sample, there must be a pre-assessment and a post-assessment. I gave the students the assessment on Thursday... and only one student passed with a low C. Everyone else failed--the lowest was 17%. That's good news for me--if there had been several kids who got A's or B's, it would be hard to teach this unit. But since they almost all failed, that shows me that they don't know this information yet. (They shouldn't--it hasn't been covered at all). That means I have lots to teach them! :)

This weekend I have a lot of planning to do. I'm where I need to be in math, so I didn't bring home my math to plan. I do need to plan this week's reading lessons. I already know what I plan to teach/do each day, but I need to write it out a bit and organize it. That should take less than an hour.

What is going to take the longest amount of time is starting planning my map unit. When I plan for reading, I can just take a post-it note and write down what I plan to do--I don't have to do a formal lesson plan. I usually end up writing more than I need to, because I want to be prepared and have extra things planned in case we have time left. With the map unit, though, (since it's for my TWS) I have to have a formal lesson plan for each lesson. So that's 16 lessons (at least) with about 5 page lesson plans (on average)--80 pages. I need to have the first three lessons approved before I teach them, so my goal for this weekend is to get three lessons planned. If I don't get them done by Monday, I can get them done by Tuesday. I have a day or two leniency since I am not starting with it on Monday.


Today is a funeral for my cousin. I've been so torn on what to do. It's hard to explain it all because everyone reading this doesn't know my family history. I haven't seen or talked to a large majority of my dad's side of the family since there was a big blow-up when I was about 10. My cousin who passed away (car accident) was 39. That means he was 16 when I was born. I don't remember him or most of his siblings... I remember two of them--the youngest two, that my brother and I played with when we were young.

I don't remember my cousin or, like I said, most of his family. Therefore, it is logical for me to not go to the funeral. Funerals are a time to remember a life and pay respects... and it's a big strange to do that when you don't know or remember the person.

However, family has always been so important to me. It's always felt like I have this hole in my life because I'm disconnected from half of my family. While a funeral isn't really a good time to try to connect with people you haven't seen in 13 years, it may be the only chance I'd have to see these people for many many years. So part of me really feels that I need to go and at least be present and supportive.

I don't know. I've been trying to come up with a solution... to decide what is right. I don't like funerals and certainly wouldn't choose to spend my one free day going to one... if there wasn't this feeling of importance to try to connect.

It starts in a few hours, and I am in a LOT of pain today--so I'm kind of leaning towards not going. I am not sure I can physically handle an hour drive each way and an afternoon of standing up.


Speaking of pain... ugh!!! The pain and aches in my legs have been awful this week. There have been several times while teaching that I have just wanted to burst out into tears because it hurts so bad. And then it just ruins my mood. Yesterday I had a great day (though it was soooo hectic! busy day at school) and got home a few minutes before 5 pm. I was in a great mood. Then, I laid down and the aching pain was like... SCREAMING at me. It's almost like... during the day I have pain, but am too busy to fully notice. When I stop and let my body rest, the pain is just excrutiating. Then I get in a bad mood, and that's not fun at all. I'm still taking the Vitamin D (twice a week), but it hasn't helped at all yet.


I do, as I said, have a lot of planning to get done this weekend, but I'm hoping to find time to read my book. I started reading a Karen Kingsbury book on 2/6. I read one chapter, and haven't picked it up since! I've been way too busy! I just don't have time to read every day, or even every week! I'd like to finish the book this weekend, but that may not happen. I hope to at least read a bit, though.

I don't remember if I wrote about this already, but I got a different phone. I had a Blackberry Storm... I ended up getting rid of it. I had to pay $400 to make the change, because it wasn't time for me to upgrade. I had to pay full price (almost $300) for a phone, and then buy insurance and all that. In the end it will be worth it, because I'm taking $30 off my bill each month since I won't be paying for internet anymore. I think that in the end it will actually save me about $450. So I ended up getting a Samsung Intensity--a red one. (http://www.celularis.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Samsung-Intensity.jpg) I really like it so far! It's weird to go from a touch screen phone back to a regular, plain phone... but it is worth it. It's helping me simplify my life a bit, which helps me feel more in control.


I also chopped my hair! I got 5-6 inches cut off... it's the shortest I've had it since I was really little... it's so strange! I don't think I could put it up even if I tried! It's nice though because I can literally just brush it and go... don't have to blow dry it or put anything in it. The lady who cut it told me all about how I should use mousse and do a little bit of blow drying and all that--but I much prefer it this way. I don't like the feeling of having anything in my hair... and I think it looks just fine when it dries! I've gotten a lot of compliments on it. The librarian, who had only seen me twice before, noticed it right away and said she loved it! :) My class asked me if I was trying to look like my cooperating teacher--haha. She has short hair, but I think it may be even shorter than mine. It's funny--a lot of the teachers do have very short hair. I don't know if that's just how they prefer it or what... but for me, it was definitely a matter of convenience during a hectic time when I don't want to deal with my hair!


Alright, I suppose I should end this book (haha--my entries are always so long. I plan for them to be short and concise and then I ramble on and on). I need to think about eventually having some lunch and then planning for at least a couple hours. I have two Tyler Perry movies that I got last weekend and haven't had time to watch--so I'm hoping to get enough done to watch at least one this weekend! I'm sure I'll be updating soon enough!